by Ben Kritikos
Adulthood: more than half the world suffers from this terrible affliction. At this very moment millions of otherwise healthy children play innocently as this hunchbacked paedophile of the mind lurks in the shadowy recesses. For billions of future children there is no escape.
Please, help us fight this destroyer of families, this twisted degeneration of the psyche that makes watching Jonathan Ross seem like a good way to pass an hour. Help save our children from a tragic future of prostitution to a giant heartless company who care nothing for their well-being; who will dispense paltry profits on its victims so they can feed their terrible, self-destructive and humiliating addictions to Starbucks, Pret A Manger, Sex and the City, and professional football.
You can give the gift of life to millions of potential children everywhere. Please, let’s put an end to full-time employment, unrealistically high expectations of human behaviour, and the second law of thermodynamics.
Watch the devastating effects of adulthood in this short video by Anna Jacob and Lemon Holmes: