Tag Archives: Benjamin Kritikos

Putting the ‘fun’ into album funding!

What an incredible weekend!

We busked for 24 hours, raised £750, one Stroud pound, one euro, a bag of mushrooms, a bunch of carrots and some hot apple cider.

We played our own songs, sang songs by everyone from Neil Young to George Michael to Cyndi Lauper to Daft Punk, and we were joined by some special guests who eased the strain on our vocals. Special mention goes to Wallis Bird who was with us Friday evening and all day Saturday and made the whole thing 100 times more enjoyable with her incredible energy, mad guitar skillz and rousing renditions of Eddi Reader’s Per-er-er-er-er-er-fect.

We were also asked to do a last minute interview and song with Paul Moss on BBC Radio Gloucestershire, which you can listen to here for the next few days, and we’ll be appearing in the newspaper Stroud Life next week.

Phew! Thanks to everyone who helped and donated, there are some great snaps up on our facebook page, and remember, if you donated you get to have your name in the album credits – if you didn’t manage to give us your name, please email heronstheband@gmail.com.

Update: Thanks to our ‘Donate’ button, we’re now on £800!! This is amazing, thanks again.

2 Comments

Filed under Album, Herons!

Help us record our next album!

Join the facebook event here.

Hello there, how are you?

Herons! is an independent band. We’re not signed, we have no manager or publisher or any type of investment, but we don’t see that as a bad thing. There’s a lot of work involved in managing our own band, but it also means that we have complete freedom and control. Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Album, Gigs, Herons!

Stroud, The Prince Albert & Sam Shepard

Why, hello there.  Haven’t spoken to you in a while.  Just thought I’d say hi and let you know some of the more interesting things we’ve been up to lately.

After trading the crushing monotony of London for a life resembling real life in Gloucestershire, Anna and I have finally settled in.  The Stroud area, where we’ve made our home, is an old industrial hub of the Cotswolds, making it less posh than other Cotswold towns, and also quite a bit more gritty and interesting.  Its 40,000 (or so) inhabitants are as varied as any city I’ve been to; so as well as Wurzels and Fred Wests, you also find coffee experts, brilliant anarchist letter-press artists and poets, dozens of young bands, old beardy legends, my favourite brewery in the Cotswolds — and the greatest farmers’ market that just about takes over the entire pedestrian-friendly town every Saturday.

When we first arrived, I was skint and in need of a beer.  Hence, I arrived at The Prince Albert pub, on Rodborough Hill.  From experience, I’ve learned that playing music is the best way to make friends, and if you’re skint it’s also a good way to get people to buy you beers.  When I rocked up to the Albert’s open mic night, I killed a few birds with one stone.  Between songs, I admitted to the audience my need of work; when I got off stage, three people offered.

The Prince Albert has become a kind of Mecca for other London expats seeking clean air and cheaper rent in the area.  Herons! have been lucky enough to collaborate with some amazing musicians who’ve found themselves situated cosily in the Five Valleys.  Last weekend, we performed at our beloved Albert with cellist and producer/arranger extraordinaire Jo SilverstonEmily Barker also graced us with her dulcet tones, when she, Anna and I brought the set to a finish with a cover of Crosby, Stills & Nash’s “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” — not without trepidation!  As an encore, special guests Vena Portae (Emily Barker & Dom Coyote), joined us on stage to sing “The Old Triangle”, which sounded great with Dom’s wonderful bass harmony.

In other news, I was lucky enough to work with actor Jack Tarlton and director Simon Usher on a short theatre piece entitled Making The Sound Of Loneliness, which explored the work of American poet, playwright and actor Sam Shepard, set to music that I composed for the piece.  The performance used extracts from a large cross-section of Shepard’s prose, and was performed by Jack Tarlton and David Beames.  The performance took place at the Arcola Theatre in Dalston on the 22nd of September as part of the Side Orders festival, courtesy of Actors Touring Company.

Making The Sound Of Loneliness counts as my first musical foray into theatre, and I hope it won’t be the last.  The experience was doubly rewarding for me, as I’d never really heard of Sam Shepard (besides as Patti Smith’s ex-boyfriend); I spent the whole workshopping week being blown away by this great American writer whose whole body of work I can look forward to reading.  Luckily, there is a possibility of Making The Sound Of Loneliness getting a full run in the New Year, so watch this space for more info.

Until next time, keep your chins up this autumn.  Port and Stilton help.

8 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Scorched Earth, Four Years On

Four years ago, I was living in Dublin. It was the winter of ’06 coming into ’07, and it was bitterly cold. Well — it doesn’t really get bitterly cold in Ireland. What happens is, it gets sort of cold and really damp, which makes the cold feel much worse than it really is.

Winters are pretty tough for me. I’ve never been a winter person. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of light or the lack or warmth, or the combination of the two, but it gets grim and feeling like it’ll never end. The damp winds blow right through all the layers of clothes and my big navy P-coat and my longjohns, and all I can think of doing is curling up by an open fire and sleeping until the snowdrops and crocuses pop up their little heads to announce with a chorus of whispering the arrival of spring.

But, of course, come hell, high water, weather or winter, everybody’s got to put their shoulders to the wheel. Luckily for me, the wheel was spinning in Dalkey, south of Dublin City on the bay that was once referred to as “The British Bay of Naples”. Now, I’ve never been to Naples or its bay, and Ireland isn’t part of Britain anymore, but I think I get the gist. You would, too, if you saw Dalkey: they’ve got one of the best vistas in all the-world-that’s-known-to-me.

Down at Bullock harbour, you can visit the seals, who always pop their noses up hoping that a friendly reveller will throw them something by way of comestibles. Up the road was Vico Road, one of the most beautiful agglomeration of extravagant housing a person could hope to see without being stared at strangely for being there. It’s a rich area, but I get the feeling that because it’s so nice to look at, nobody there really blames you for gawping.

Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Album

Anonymous Interview: Male, 30

Re: Faith
I don’t believe in God; but I don’t know if that means what it sounds like.  I definitely feel like there’s more in the universe than human beings can comprehend.  The universe is so mysterious.

When I was a kid I believed in God.  Sometimes I wonder if maybe I knew something back then that I don’t know now.

I forced my parents to take me to Religious Instruction after school; they didn’t think it was a good idea, but I was adamant.  It was Catholic classes, basically.

I got as far as my confirmation before I realised I thought it was bullshit.

After that, I got really into Buddhism and Taoism.  But years of being around people who identify as “spiritual” made me pretty cynical about that too.  Lots of religious texts, taken as cultural or ethnographic or anthropological records, are really brilliant.  But I think practising any religion leads to the same inevitable problem: you close yourself  to new ways of thinking — which is ultimately the definition of learning.

I think asking questions, investigating, and learning from life experience is more important than religion.  Lots of religious people do this anyway; they’re not mutually exclusive.

But when people forget that THEIR way of looking at things is not THE way of looking at things, that’s when the trouble starts.

If you take that as a definition of religion — an over-arching belief in the way things are — then most people suffer from religion.  Even atheists.

Interview conducted and edited by Ben Kritikos

3 Comments

Filed under Anonymous Interviews

This Week: Top Five Shit Jobs I’ve Done

by Ben Kritikos

Like so many in this “age of austerity”, I’m unemployed.

Occasionally, telling people this fact sometimes elicits a strange response: “Lucky you.” Lucky? Are you kidding? The strings on my guitar are green; playing it feels like gently massaging rusty razor blades. And I won’t even go into the cheese-on-toast belly I’ve developed. Don’t get me wrong, I love cheese on toast; but eating it as a meal three times a week is nobody’s idea of a balanced diet.

So why would anyone count me lucky to be unemployed? You’ll have to remind me — it’s been a while.

Could it be because daytime television is so good? I somehow doubt it. Could it be a deep-seated resentment at missing Radio 4′s Woman’s Hour? Much as I enjoy Woman’s Hour, also highly unlikely. Maybe it’s because — work sucks.

Not all work sucks, though … surely not. Maybe just all work available in a recession. I’m sure once the banks start lending again and housing prices are sufficiently high to not even bother considering buying one at any time in the future until we’ve all won the lottery, dream jobs will abound. I’m sure once Everything Is Back To Normal we can all count on good times ahead, where jobs like Official Ketchup Taster exist, the tea breaks are many and lengthy, and the retirement age is 34.

Those are the reasons to keep struggling, my friends. Some day, we’ll all live in the cushy luxury those pesky benefit-seekers are purportedly enjoying.

In the meantime, however, we’ll be saving pennies, using plastic bags from Sainsbury’s for the bin, making pots of tea with one teabag, skipping breakfast, selling our second homes in the south of France, and remembering fondly those days when employment was plentiful and fulfilling, like a good wank.

These are the top five shittest jobs I’ve ever had. I like to think about them when I’m eating ramen noodles for the seventh time in a week, to remind me of what I’m missing. Continue reading

8 Comments

Filed under Top Fives

New Year Resolution: Part 5

by Ben Kritikos

A conversation is an interesting thing; it requires not only the ability to communicate, but also to listen, to empathise.  There’s nothing worse, more dispiriting, more of a pet peeve for me, than some one who can do the former — and in abundance — but not the latter.

Lots of great books, great as they are, have a bit of the epitaph about them.  Great male writers throughout the 19th and 20th centuries have struggled, suffered, written their heart-rending, world-shaking tomes and collapsed, moribund and fame-ready, into the great mausoleum of Literature.  Their works stand as stark reminders of their greatness, like 98 theses nailed to the door of a cathedral, or ten commandments engraved in stone by some almighty hand.

Finality.  When Ulysses talks, you listen.

I love those kinds of unanswerable books.  But not until recently did I realise how much I also love books for kids and young adults.  I love them both equally, and I believe they are equal.  Literature speaks to me with layer upon layer of the universal, in the language of the specific.  Books for young adults (the best ones) do the same thing — but slightly more fun.

*

The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, is one of the best books I’ve ever read.  I loved it so much I periodically put it down, ran my fingers through my hair, took a deep breath and said, “Wow”.

Mary Lennox is a 10-year-old girl who is always ill in one way or another.  Everybody finds her most disagreeable.  She is sickly looking and bad-tempered.  When her parents die of cholera on their estate in India, she finds herself abandoned in the house, waiting crossly for some one to take notice.  She is discovered and sent to live with her reclusive uncle at Misslethwaite Manor in the Yorkshire moors.

No longer waited on hand and foot by servile natives, Mary’s life changes dramatically.  The wild, windy moors present a challenge to the spoiled, unhealthy girl, and she befriends a local boy named Dickon who can talk to animals.  Together they nurture a secret that slowly renews Mary’s health, and breathes new life into all at Misslethwaite Manor.

The Secret Garden does what a great book should: it puts you in sympathy with the emotional development of a character; it puts you in sympathy with their discovery of Nature; and it creates a lusciously magical world — partly of your own creation — into which you may step in and out, always taking a piece with you wherever you go.

It also had me considering taking a horticulture course.

*

I mentioned last time that Anna and I are reading the whole series of Harry Potter aloud to each other.  We are currently approaching the end of the fourth book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.  Let me state for the record that I am now officially obsessed with the Harry Potter books.  J.K. Rowling is my new hero.

It’s funny, but when you tell people that you’re reading Harry Potter lots of them smile ironically, as though you told them Dan Brown was your favourite author.  I get the feeling that people have a different impression of the Harry Potter books than they deserve.

The first two books (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) seem tailored primarily for the 8-12 year old market, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a serious depth and intelligence behind them.  The names of characters, imaginary places and incantations that accompany the many charms, hexes and curses all reveal a knowledge of Latin and the classics that testify to Rowling’s calibre as a writer.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and what I’ve read of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire are as adult, as dark and as challenging as anything else I’ve read in modern fiction.  They’re certainly better written — and definitely more intelligent — than The Da Vinci Code. The only thing that distinguishes the Harry Potter books from your average adult fiction is that all the main characters are children; and that while most popular fiction is mediocre, J.K. Rowling’s work is utterly, stupefyingly brilliant.

Books for young people are not, of necessity, sub-standard or second-class.  In fact, I’d go so far as to argue that, in many ways, and in many instances, young people are more discerning than us grown-ups — not least us bookish grown-ups.  Authors who know this approach their work accordingly.

I’d rather attend Hogwarts than Plato’s Academy.

*

I haven’t spent this whole time just reading fiction for young people, nice as that would be.  Thanks to my friend Jess, I’ve had the good fortune to read Zadie Smith’s brilliant first novel, White Teeth.

White Teeth is set in London, spanning time from the Second World War to New Year’s Eve of the year 2000.  Zadie Smith traces with razor-sharp wit and emotional cop-on the family lives of Archibald Jones, a hapless Joe Shmoe; and Samad Iqbal, a Bangladeshi immigrant struggling to keep his Islamic faith and cultural identity intact, and to keep his throbbing libido (and subsequent sense of guilt) under wraps.

Let me confess straight off the bat: the whole dissection of the immigrant mentality, and the multi-directional pulling of competing cultural identities really resonated with me and I was biased in its favour from the beginning.  As a first generation American, the issues Smith touches on are painfully familiar, and I’d never really thought about them in-depth before.

I suppose I’ve been too busy struggling with to-MAY-toes and to-MAH-toes, and learning to say sorry even when I don’t mean it.

But don’t let me give you the wrong impression; White Teeth is, above all else, funny, witty, incisive, and warming like a good cup of tea by the window on a rainy day.  Zadie Smith tells a wonderful story full of race-relations, gunpowder, salt fish and ackee, adultery and circumnavigations of the roundabout at Swiss Cottage; all with a vivid deftness that left me feeling acutely aware of myself as a social entity.  But in a good way.

Zadie Smith fits on the Ring Lardner end of the Holden Caulfield spectrum: she’s the kind of author I’d like to ring up on the phone for a chat.  In my world, where the young are always right in some very subtle and important way, that’s a huge compliment.

1 Comment

Filed under New Year's Resolution, Women Authors

This Week: Top Five Inexpensive Wines

by Ben Kritikos

Let me start by saying I don’t know much about wine besides that I like drinking it.  And I drink a lot of it.

Good.  I feel I’ve firmly established myself not as some kind of nag champa-burning, crossed-legged vino guru, dispensing advice through a veil of mystery and facial hair; but simply as a bloke who can tell the difference between a bottle of rotgut motor oil that may take the enamel off your teeth and something worth spending £7 on.

At the age of seven, I started going fishing with my dad down at the local jetty, overlooking the harbour where flocks of Canada geese would congregate to snooze, shit and occasionally pluck a fish from the water.  I remember the smell of the tackle boxes (I was lucky enough to have my own, with two or three colourful lures and some sinkers); the wriggly, writhing brown worms with pincers at one end — and my dad’s can of beer.

At some point, probably when the fish weren’t biting, he let me have a sip.  It was my first taste of alcohol.  I didn’t like it.  Looking back, I think the reason I didn’t is because my dad was drinking Budweiser.

At 13, I managed to furtively gulp a few glasses of wine at a dinner party while my parents weren’t looking.  It was the first time I got drunk.  My face turned red and hot, and when I looked in the mirror all I could do was laugh.  The buzz didn’t last too long — I was asleep in less than an hour.

The next morning, I realised that I’d fallen in love — with wine.  The wine I’d swilled wasn’t even any good.  In fact, it was plonk.  But somewhere behind the overtones of car tire and eau de oil refinery I could faintly detect a hint of Something Else.  To this day, I find that the various Somethings-Else haunting the shadowy burgundy recesses of a good wine defy description.

At 21, I had the good fortune to work at a very good wine and liquor shop in Boston, where I learned a great deal about booze through the most direct method available: tasting.  The shop held weekly wine tastings; and not only were the staff allowed to taste the wines, we were required to.

Rather than feel like an ignoramus because I couldn’t describe “noses” and “bouquets”, I found myself vindicated.  The owner, an elderly Jewish man with zero patience for uppitiness, used to wink at me and gesture to a crowd of yuppies huddled in purposefully, visibly solemn appreciation.  “While they’re busy describing it,” he’d say, “I’m busy drinking it.”

Taking a leaf from the owner’s book, I drank wine abundantly, using my staff discount to try out things I couldn’t otherwise afford.  I came to particularly love Bordeaux, and white wines from the Alto Adige region in Italy.  My appreciation of Bordeaux increased when I met my best buddy S, who just so happened to work in a family-owned wine merchant in south County Dublin.

Drinking wine can become an expensive hobby.  If you don’t work in a wine merchant where you get a significant discount — or have a mate who does — it can be tricky navigating your way through Vinoland with empty pockets.  In fact, it’s almost worse than knowing nothing at all; once you know what good wine tastes like, it makes crappy wine fairly intolerable.

That said, there are very drinkable wines available for not very much money.  While I would always prefer to buy a good bottle of wine at around the£10 to £15 mark to guarantee that what I’m getting isn’t some mass-produced bottle of grape Coca Cola made by starving children in a factory full of fire and sulphites, like some beverage-producing inferno — it’s not always possible.  Sometimes I’m broke.  Chronically broke.

These are my top five cheap wines that you can drink and enjoy without subsequently eating toast for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the rest of the week. Continue reading

Leave a Comment

Filed under Food & Drink, Top Fives

This Week: Top Five Ways The Baby Boomers Fucked Up Our Future

Image by Sky Thompson

by Ben Kritikos

“The world is what you make it,” they’re constantly telling us. At what point did I make a world where people listen to Michael Bolton?

Baby boomers seem to have a sense of entitlement to personal freedom. They’re like that kid standing next to his Dad who gestures the horizon with a swooping arm, saying, “One day, this will all be yours”.

In theory, there’s nothing wrong with this mentality of entitlement; but in combination with unparalleled wealth and freedom, it has produced a generation of spoiled brats.

My grandparents’ generation endured some of the most horrific events in human history, including the second World War, the Holocaust, the Great Depression, and the crushing of the American labour movement. I’d wager that millions of WWII veterans vowed to protect their kids from these kinds of horrors.

The generation known as the Baby Boom were the largest generation in the history of humankind. This massive blob of ego-positive kiddies grew up shielded from reality, being spoon-fed a narrative about reality that placed them squarely in the driver’s seat. The hitherto unknown postwar health and prosperity instilled the boomers a heightened sense of self-importance.

Just look at the 60s and the way people still talk about it as though it were the apex of human history. When did being young and self-indulgent — only to disavow principle in favour of a high income — count as a cultural achievement?

Now that the baby boomers are approaching pensionable age it is time we, so-called Generation Y, have to live in the aftermath of their unmitigated personal freedom. And they’ve left us with a disaster. World War III isn’t imminent, but ecological disaster could be. Housing and third-level education are all but unaffordable. It’s almost impossible to find a job, and when you do it will almost certainly be mind-numbing. Then, to add insult to injury, there’s Kenny G.

But apparently all of us are spoiled because we had Nintendo and iPhones. Yipee. Continue reading

29 Comments

Filed under Top Fives

This Week: Top Five Beers

Image by Sky Thompson

by Ben Kritikos

Beer is the oldest prepared drink in the world.  The ancient Egyptians drank it, and even made lovely pictures of themselves enjoying it.  Some of the oldest existing laws in Germany are laws governing the production of beer.  It’s likely that Europeans take laws governing the production of alcoholic beverages more seriously than the laws regulating investment banks.  I know I trust a brewer over a banker any day.

Beer dates back to the 6th millenium BCE.  The earliest Sumerian writings contain references to beer.  A prayer to Ninkasi, the goddess of brewing, also served as a recipe to help them remember how to make the beloved bubbly bevvie.  It’s something you wouldn’t want to forget, naturally.

"So how 'bout that Pharoah, eh? A sarcophagus like that, at the taxpayers' expense! That'll be three twists of flax, when you're ready." "You said it. These kings are all the same -- a misplaced sense of entitlement, is what it is. Do you do cash back?"

Pretty amazing when you think about it, but the invention of beer predates the invention of sewage systems; one can only imagine the effect this must have had on Sumerian high streets of a Saturday night.

Beer in what is now the Middle East is a far cry from the frothy stuff of pints down the pub.  Most commonly, “beer” is understood to be pale lager; it is the most popular beer in the world.  There’s no accounting for taste.

If you’re anything like me (a dubious state of affairs, admittedly) you find lager almost entirely dispensable, except with a curry.  While a good lager is a thing of joy, I prefer more robust beers, generally speaking.

Don’t get me wrong, though — if you’re buying, I’m drinking. Continue reading

7 Comments

Filed under Food & Drink, Top Fives